Is Grandma Really a Monster In Law?

Isn't she eating solids yet?

I never put anything out of reach. I just smacked mine and they soon learnt not to touch!

Mom Joke

Jelly beans won't hurt. Goodness, you can buy them in the chemist, they must be ok.

It is easy to take offence when you are confronted about your parenting choices, especially when criticism comes from your own mother or mother-in-law. But could you be over-reacting or perhaps just a little oversensitive? Is Grandma really going out of her way to needle you or could she actually be trying to impart some well-meant (although misguided) information?

Family Values

You may have heard a million jokes about mother-in-laws, but when it comes to dealing with your own, up close and personal, especially when you become a parent, it is not easy to see the funny side. Unfortunately, we can't choose our in-laws. They come as part of the package along with the person we fall in love with. And, here lies the root cause of most problems: the difference in upbringing between ourselves and our partners. Each family has its own values and traditions as well as ways of behaving as a family:some families talk to each other every day, while others go weeks between phone calls; one family might tell each other everything, while another may have clear boundaries about what issues are private, even between family members; some families will be outspoken and not at all backwards about offering advice while others may express disapproval in more subtle, but none-the-less intrusive ways.

Take a Chill Pill

To deal more calmly with interference, whether it is about how you are bringing up baby or how you divide your housekeeping duties now you have children, it can help to try and see the other person's perspective. If your mother-in-law seems all too ready to undermine you, it may be a sign that she needs to increase her own self-worth, albeit at your expense. After all, she brought up the partner you love and have a child with so she probably feels some credit is due. At some level, your mother-in-law may be feeling that she has to compete with you for her own child's love and respect (that is, your partner); your different parenting style may be a threat to the way she brought up your partner (or you, if it is your own mother who is being critical).

On the other hand, Grandma may be genuinely trying to make things easier by sharing her hard-earned knowledge or she may simply want to be more involved with her grandchild.

Ultimately, the issue here is not who wins, but encouraging a positive relationship between your child and their grandparents. So when you disagree with in-laws (your parents or your partner's parents), it is worth remembering the old adage, 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.' Because your relationship with your child's grandparents will be an ongoing one, it is important to try and find some common ground. Try asking for Grandma's opinion on a fairly neutral topic or invite her to be more involved and give her positive feedback. For instance, 'would you like to give him his bath?' Or, 'he loves it when you take him to feed the ducks?'

If you are confronted by unwanted advice, no matter how well-meaning, you can either tell her honestly, but politely, that you feel undermined by her advice or you can simply stay calm: take a deep breath and respond,'this works well for us,'or (baby's name) feels happy when we do(whatever you are doing that she is advising against). Another option is to thank Grandma for her tips and say, enthusiastically, 'I will remember that.' Then choose what information suits you and your little one and discard the rest.

You might also like to share some up to date information with your mother-in-law (or mother) by commenting enthusiastically about a new book you have discovered or perhaps some written information or research that reinforces what you are doing. It will work better to do this pro-actively before she bombards you with out of date information, so she isn't put in a situation where she feels defensive.

If all else fails, you can deflect unwanted advice by bringing in the big guns: 'our Lactation Consultant/ Doctor/ Plunket nurse says ...'

A United Front

If your partner starts to side with his mother against you, it is only natural that you want to cut the apron strings between them with a very sharp pair of scissors! But again, the best advice is to remain calm: enlist your partner's support by telling him how you feel without becoming angry or putting him in a situation that makes him feel he must choose between you and his mother. It is also important to tell your man how much you value his parenting efforts (You are a great Dad! I love the way you..), then help him see how vulnerable this criticism makes you feel and how much you need his support so you can be a confident, competent mother.

It can be difficult to stand up to your parents, but if you and your partner can agree on what really matters and you can support each other, you are more likely to succeed in setting boundaries. Sit down together and make a list of what bothers you about each other's families and decide which issues are worth standing firm on. What you feed your baby or how you choose to discipline your child may be priorities that you won't compromise, for instance. But if your mother-in-law wants to iron your husband's shirts properly or complains about how you mow the lawns (or don't), perhaps you could let this one go or share it as a mother-in-law joke. After all you, your partner and child(ren) are a family now, and it is time to establish your own values and traditions.

Is Grandma Really a Monster In Law?

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How to Tell If a Man Is Really Into You - Most Useful Ways to Distinguish His Real Emotions

We rarely see a man who's madly in love with a woman. In today's society, it seems that it's acceptable that men would commit infidelity. If you're with a man and you believe that he's the one for you, then you might also want to know how he feels for you. Here are the crystal clear indicators of one who's really into you:

Time is an essential element for him.

Mom Joke

This is because he wants to spend every free second that he has with you. Since he's emotionally into you, he will want to have lots of quality time with you.

Your friends will speak fondly of him.

This man has built a good reputation amongst your friends. They only have nice things to say to him because he did his homework and he knows exactly what makes them tick.

He is supportive of all your undertakings.

He is the first one to voice out his support because he believes so much in you. He also has a high regard for all for all of your ideals. He is definitely into you because he could hardly peel off his eyes from you whenever you're into something.

He's your biggest admirer.

Your man is the first one to laugh at your jokes. Even if all the other people find your jokes corny, he would do all he can to appreciate the effort that you put into the whole sense of humor thing. He will always have high praises for you because his feelings are real.

He will notice the most trivial matters when it comes to you.

Your mom would even miss that you snipped a few inches off your hair but this guy will surely notice. In fact, he will hear your compliments when it comes to your choices of clothes, perfume, and accessories. This guy will see even the smallest changes that you make with yourself.

Anticipate all the flirting.

He will throw all of his best flirting techniques at you. He simply wants to make you take notice of him. And once he has your attention, this man will do everything to impress you with his talents and skills. He preens because he wants to attract the girl that he's so into.

He will blush when you arrive unexpectedly.

Take a look at his reaction when you get into the same place where he's at. Most likely, he will blush heavily and would try to smile at you. He will blush some more if you smile back at him. This guy would also take every opportunity to speak with you.

How to Tell If a Man Is Really Into You - Most Useful Ways to Distinguish His Real Emotions

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He Won't Leave His Mother and Father (Mentally) - Is That Really a Big Deal?

He won't leave his mother and father? You may not have that actual problem, but it might seem like it. You are just not sure he will leave his mother, mentally. You also notice how much he depends upon his father when it comes to making decisions.

You are convinced of his love for you. If he won't leave his father and mother, emotionally, will that really interfere with your wonderful relationship?

Mom Joke

Actually some of the best words of advice ever given were that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. There will definitely be cleaving problems if your husband does not make that mental break with his own family.

Often we joke about a wife saying that when will "go home to mother." It is just as serious though, if the husband is not committed to leaving his parents to form the new family.

Here are five steps you can take to deal with this concern:

1. Talk About It

So, this is something for you to really examine before you get married. If there are signs of a very close family, that is not necessarily a bad thing, but you do want to make sure that this "leaving" will actually take place. It certainly is a point for pre-marital discussion.

2. Be Aware of the Problems

Perhaps you should try to identify potential problems that could arise from him, or you for that matter, not leaving his father and mother--at least in his mind.

3. If You Physically Have to Live with One set of Parents, Make Sure the Mental Leaving Takes Place

It sometimes becomes necessary for financial reasons for a couple to live with one of their parents. If that happens, it is even more important that this mental leaving takes place.

4. Make a Commitment to Begin Working on This Before You Get Married

Both of you can begin the mental leaving before the actual leaving takes place. Planning for the wedding is one area where this might be tested. Remember it is YOUR wedding, so hold firm on your own preferences.

5. Tell Each Other How Excited You Are To Have a Life Together

If your jobs take you away from the area, that will sort of sad, in one way, but it will give you the advantage of physical distance between you and your parents. Whether there is a physical leaving or not, be excited about your life together.

So, these five things will help you when it seems like he won't leave his father, or he won't leave his mother. It is very important because, you see, it really is a big deal!

He Won't Leave His Mother and Father (Mentally) - Is That Really a Big Deal?

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The Best Pick Up Lines - Do They Really Exist?

We're all grown men here. We don't believe in Santa Claus or the Boogeyman. We're too mature for fairy tales, and we're even beginning to accept that we're unlikely to become major league sporting heroes.

But still, we believe in pick up lines.

Mom Joke

The evidence is against us. Tales of success are few and far between, and we've all heard female co-workers screaming with laughter while they discuss the hopeless lines with which men have failed to score with them.

But without the pick up lines, many men wouldn't know where to start.

How else are you supposed to get chatting to a gorgeous girl than with a well rehearsed corny joke? Our favorite lines are what give us the courage to approach hot chicks in the first place.

As much as girls deride them, pick up lines are what get us laid.

But that's not to say that every line is equal.

A quick scan of the internet will find you literally hundreds of terrible chat up lines, and you can guarantee that that chick you fancy has heard them all before. She's been informed that she's da bomb, she's been offered change to call her mother, she knows her skirt would look better on your bedroom floor. Pull out something that unoriginal and you'll look like you get your dating advice from your pre-pubescent brother.

You both know you're playing the old familiar flirting game, so give it an original, self-referential twist. "Do we have a mutual friend who could introduce us?" is sure to get a laugh. Or tell her, "My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute."

A good sense of humor always tops the lists of what girls go for in a guy, but turning into a one man comedy routine should be approached with caution. Dirty jokes might well have you in stitches when you're sharing them with friends, but tell them to the wrong woman and the only stitches you'll be getting will be the sort the doctor gives you.

Luckily, it's easy to be funny without being offensive, and quirky one liners have high impact. Get noticed by saying, "I seem to have lost my phone number; do you mind if I take yours?", or work a little mojo magic with, "Could you spare just a moment for me to hit on you?"

Ask any girl, though, and she'll tell you it's not the wit of your pick up line that gets you lucky - it's the smile with which you deliver it. A plain old, "Hi, I'm _______. What's your name?" works wonders if you say it with a grin.

Or if approaching a girl at all leaves you trembling, forget the corny lines and the charming introductions, and simply swear blind that you know her from somewhere. After all, it doesn't matter how catchy your opening line is - it's the conversation with which you follow it that gets you lucky; saying "I'm sure we've met before...?" not only saves you from devising a pick up line, it leads naturally into chatter about the places you each hang out.

The rules of pick up lines are simple: keep them brief; keep them clean; and keep them friendly. Spending all night rehearsing at the bar will leave you sounding stilted, so what are you waiting for? If you've spotted a hot girl, slap on a smile, stride on over there and simply say hello.

The Best Pick Up Lines - Do They Really Exist?

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